WOW!!!
Last nite saw an incomparable show of support in downtown Madison, Wisconsin as Grand Minister Jared W. Adams took the stage outside of city hall to formally announce his candidacy for President of the United States of America. The historic event was attended by over 500,000 supporters from all over the country who turned out to support what will be the first Mayhem Presidency in the nation's history.
See the full transcript below:
"Eveniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!!!
Hello! Yes yes! Hello to you! And you! And YOU!
Goddamn! This is one fucking amazing nite!!!
I'm glad everyone could come out because - YES! MAYHEM FOREVER! INDEED! YES! THANK YOU!! - I'm glad everyone made it because I've really got some serious shit to get off my chest.
I'd imagine we all do...
Everyone enjoying this spectacle in Washington these past few weeks?? No... me neither... Pretty remarkable, isn't it? Watching a bunch of guys, who work for the same class of people, all pretending they give a fuck about what happens to us? They're good at pretending.
The Republicans have it the easiest, of course. I mean, there's very little pretending involved. The Republican have convinced all their supporters living below the wealth of the elite constituencies they truly represent that they are our saviors! That they will rescue us from the evils of taxation and that the more money that filters unregulated and unchecked to the top the more prosperous all will be on the bottom! When you're able to convince people of that, what more pretending are your really required to do?
But for the Democrats it's quite the pageant. In them we have a party that desperately wants to be identical to the Republican party. Most of the time they succeed. Most of the time they pass that test with flying colors. And while they've never been more conservative in history, they are constantly HELD BACK from that goal on account of that pesky outdated enduring stigma that has labeled them a liberal party... a labor party... a PEOPLE'S PARTY...
Well... I say it's time that we make their dream come true! I say it's time that we lift off their shoulders that horrible burden! Lift off their backs that awful stigma! Let us forever free them of the will of labor, the will of the people, the will of the Left!
GIVE THAT BURDEN TO ME!!!
In truth, it is a burden I already carry. All of us here do. For it was never really theirs, was it?! No... for an honor such as this is not to be slung like chattel across the back of an ass. It must be worn proudly and given constant care as a signifier of the bond of trust, loyalty and love that it is.
The symbiotic relationship between the people and their representative in government.
And in the meantime, the symbiotic relationship of the incompetence of this President matched with the malfeasance of the Congressional Republicans is dooming us to certain ruin and handing this country over to the vultures!!! It is THEY that have forced MY hand!!! I can no longer allow this to continue!!! I will not see my country junked, broken and stripped for parts!!!
I will not see it picked away at by the carrion crows of corporation!!
I will not see it sold away bit by bit to the highest bidders!!!
I will not allow us to be sold away by those who have already sold themselves!!!
I will reclaim this nation in the name of humanity for YES we do still exist here!!!
I will take the worker's revolution that has been rejuvenated here in Wisconsin and take it all the way to the White House!!!
And so it is with massive self-assurance and gigantic cocksurance that I accept my self-nomination for President of the United Fucking States of America!!!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
BOEHNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mayhem abounds!!!
Mayhem abounds!!!
Goodie goodie gumdrops!!!
Mayhem abounds!!!!"
-
Jared W. Adams
Grand Minister for General Mayhem
Madison, WI
July the 25th 2011
11:35 PM EST
It was a truly historic speech and the heralding of the nation's new dawning as Mayhem spreads from the windswept coasts of Lake Michigan to the Pacific, the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. The Grand Minister's speech was preceded by speeches from multiple local activist leaders. There was an especially warm welcome for Mayhem fan favorite Surgeon General, Dr. Elkan Reskew who delivered the keynote address for the cerenomy. Reskew later told the Mayhem Ministry Press "how very EXCITING everything was!" The Grand Minister and his campaign spent the rest of the evening at a special after after party at Russ Feingold's house, attended by a plethora of supporters from entertainment, politics, journalism, activism and intelligentsia. A party insider told us that "shit got OUT OF HAND" during the party.
The Grand Minister will be making campaign stops throughout the mid-west for the rest of the week and plans to visit every state before the end of the year. With The Ministry's release of The Uganda Affair Commission Report earlier this week Grand Minister Adams' Ministry campaigners say he is prepared to run a fully transparent campaign.
The anti-Ministry website run by Andrew Breitbart: BIG Mayhem was quick in its attempt to discredit the Grand Minister immediately following the moving announcement in Madison. It doesn't really make any claims, so as of yet nothing need be addressed.
Meanwhile in Washington, the debt battle...uh... continues!
The Mayhem Campaign says that the Grand Minister is off to Cleveland, Ohio tomorrow to meet with The Great Dennis Kucinich before riding to Braddock, Pennsylvania to meet with Mayor John Fetterman.
Mayhem forever.
- The Mayhem Ministry Press
0 comments:
Post a Comment